One of the irritating things about the Twilight phenomenon for me is that people always focus on the magical elements of the story and completely overlook what really drives peoples love of the story. Its not about the vampires, its about the emotional reality that the character’s go through and how Stephenie makes you feel like your living them. I read an interview with Chris Weitz and I’m feeling better about his view of the storyline. He just might have done a good job with this movie because he seems to understand what New Moon really is about.

New Moon Trailer

I don’t have babies anymore. I have nothing but big kids now. B, the youngest has hit a couple of big milestones in the last month. He turned four AND he started preschool yesterday. He is delayed in his speech so he’s going to be in a year round preschool that will also include speech therapy for him. Yesterday was interesting. B didn’t like being told what to do. At home, structure isn’t very strict because it doesn’t need to be. He can move from toy to toy or activity to activity as his interest takes him, but school has structured times for things and that he’s not used to. Oh, I know he’ll get into the swing of things quickly, but it was still interesting to see how well he handled the new schedule. Yesterday I stayed with him the whole time, today he’s on his own. It’ll take a good week for him to get into the swing of things, but still… my baby is growing up.

Yes, its been awhile since I last posted. I’ve been very busy and blogging just doesn’t come to the forefront of my thinking most days. However, I wanted to post my thoughts on something and thought it better to do it here then on a bunch of different forums.

For the majority of LDS members that I know, we, for the most part, ignore that Big Love is airing. I know some who love watching the show. I’ve yet to experience any weird reactions from people because of the show. However I was surprised to learn today that an episode of Big Love will be airing parts of one of our temple ceremonies. I have no idea what context they are creating that they felt this was a necessary part of the story, but I’m of two minds about the whole thing. A part of me is disappointed that something so sacred to me is about to be shown on TV. HOWEVER, the other part of me knows that what they are showing is going to be based on whatever the fundamentalist church uses of the ceremony…supposedly. The picture in TV Guide already tells me that something is different. I was amused when the article said that they got a former LDS member to oversee the accuracy of the scene. Now while they would not have been able to find a active member who would have helped the project, it seems a little odd to me to go get someone who left the church because they disagreed with it for some reason and then use their opinion to keep accuracy. um….

However, its not like you can’t find anything you want to know about the temple online. Enough people have left the church and posted their opinions, remembrances and whatever else they have about the temple and what goes on inside. I was unaware however, that the fundamentalist church even still used the endowment and sealing ceremonies. Of course, now that I think about it, it would follow that they are still using them, even if they no longer have the authority to do so. How accurate they still are I couldn’t vouch for.

As for how this would affect OUR church, it wouldn’t do much. This wouldn’t hurt the church in anyway. What does bother me is what context are they putting this information in. I know several people who were unsettled by their first time through the temple. While I was surprised with what I was learning, it also was like sitting in front of a big puzzle with someone taking the odd shaped that I hadn’t been able to place and showing me where they fit in the puzzle. I had a lot of “ah ha” moments my first time through. However, if you aren’t prepared, its going to seem a bit out of kilter. It is different then any other part of our “normal” services. And my worry is really how will what they show fit without sensationalizing it or making it seem weird. I already get enough weird questions as it is, and I really do enjoy discussing what the misconception may be and what the real issue actually is. But in this case, none of us can correct any misconceptions or explain what you might be looking at. I think overall that may be what is the most frustrating. The viewers are going to get a piece of something that is sacred and they are going to want to ask their temple going Mormon friend if there was any truth to what they saw and we can’t explain, verify, or deny anything that the viewer might see. Not because we don’t want to tell you, but because it is sacred and what you learn in the temple, while its very simple, is also very profound. Its a covenant you make with God and its between you and God. I know its not considered hip or normal these days to partake in such things, but its not unusual for those who are members of a detailed and involved theology.

I’ve been meaning to put my scripture study thoughts on this blog. I’ve always been hesitant. I think it had to do with not wanting to sound preachy but, I want to write down what I’m thinking and so this year, I’m going to share them.

Every year in our gospel doctrine class at church we study a book of scripture. Old Testament, New Testament and The Book of Mormon. This year we will study the Doctrine and Covenants and with that goes church history. The Doctrine and Covenants is a collection of those revelations given during the start up of our church.

Whenever we start with church history we tend to reflect on the changes in the world that led to the possibility of a new church even being formed. It starts with the Renaissance, continues on with the Reformation, continues on with the discovery of America and the eventual creation of our country and our Constitution. For Mormons, these are seen as acts of God in creating a world where a restoration of the gospel can begin. Up till this point, state religions were such that you didn’t disagree unless you wanted to shorten your lifespan. Our Founding Fathers understood the havoc state religions could create and fashioned our constitution so that personal preference set ones religious adherence, not the government.

Then began what would be called The Second Great Awakening. A period of time from 1790–1840 where people were opening up the bible and discussing it amongst themselves. This was a time of great evangelical revivals and every thought idea on religion was contending with each other for recognition and dominance.

It’s in this time of great religious fervor that Joseph Smith, Jr, then only 14 years old begins to ponder the worth of his soul. The preachers of the day were really harping on if ones soul was saved. You didn’t want the heathens to get you, you wanted to be saved before it was too late and you were damned forever. Of course, I think more often then not the “heathens” were the other church they didn’t want you joining.

This was a period of time when men believed that God no longer used prophets and apostles. That you had to reason it out in your own mind because God wasn’t talking to man anymore. The bible was all there was and there wouldn’t be any more. The idea of course being that the Bible contained the full and complete gospel. Joseph’s family were as religious as the people of their day. The bible was the main book in most people’s homes. Many a farm kid learned to read from their families bible. His mother and some of his siblings were going to one church, his father and others were leaning to another. And in the midst of all this, young 14 year old Joseph began to wonder about his own soul. Was he saved, and how did one know? He asked everybody, he read the bible, he went to revivals, he compared his readings with the doctrines of the different theologies. No one could agree on what was meant. Everyone viewed it differently. Not much different than it is now for us today.

How long Joseph spent studying I can only speculate. I would gather considering the serious of the subject he was considering, the state of his own soul, that he spent a great deal of time pondering. I know that my own concentrated study, my own challenging my beliefs and interpretations to know what was real spanned a good two year period in my own life. Unlike myself though, Joseph hadn’t been raised to believe that God still talked to man. People just didn’t carry that idea back in those days. So I can imagine when Joseph read James 1:5 it must have struck him as a new idea that he could actually go ask God for the answer. This is how Joseph describes his reaction to that verse:

While I was laboring under the extreme difficulties caused by the contests of these parties of religionists, I was one day reading the Epistle of James, first chapter and fifth verse, which reads: If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him.
12 Never did any passage of scripture come with more power to the heart of man than this did at this time to mine. It seemed to enter with great force into every feeling of my heart. I reflected on it again and again, knowing that if any person needed wisdom from God, I did; for how to act I did not know, and unless I could get more wisdom than I then had, I would never know; for the teachers of religion of the different sects understood the same passages of scripture so differently as to destroy all confidence in settling the question by an appeal to the Bible.
At length I came to the conclusion that I must either remain in darkness and confusion, or else I must do as James directs, that is, ask of God. I at length came to the determination to “ask of God,” concluding that if he gave wisdom to them that lacked wisdom, and would give liberally, and not upbraid, I might venture.

An interesting idea for a child who had grown up in a world that no longer believed God talked to man. At 14, no kid expects much of themselves. And no kid, going to ask God a question in prayer expects much of an answer then a simple feeling of yes or no.

I can only imagine the shock and surprise when during his prayer he is then visited by two personages. One pointing to the other and saying “This is My Beloved Son, Hear Him” The other then identifying himself as Jesus Christ. Joseph grew up in a time where the trinity view of God as one being only was set. In one fell swoop, Joseph learned the error of that idea. The ideas on the nature of God understood at that time were snapped and reshaped in that moment. How amazing that must have been. Joseph was also told that none of the sects of the day spoke the truth about God anymore. That they “draw near to me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me. Teaching the commandments of men and having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof.”

And this becomes the basis for our doctrine. The First Vision begins the journey of Joseph Smith in restoring the lost doctrines of God. Without this first vision there is no reason to redefine the nature of God. There is no reason to suppose the bible is missing information or that the doctrines that survived the dark ages are corrupt. Joseph offered a new understanding of God that was rejected by his neighbors immediately. Only his family believed him. It would be another seven years before the Lord would lead Joseph to retrieve the plates that would make up the Book of Mormon. In those seven years, Joseph had to deal with persecution, revilement, disbelief and condemnation. Not an easy thing to do when your a teenager.

Joseph’s name is spoken with respect and revilement around world depending on your point of view. Joseph’s affect on the world is now studied. There was a neat conference held at the Library of Congress where papers were read on his affect on world religion and his thoughts on religion at the time. And recently all papers pertaining to Joseph have been made available for academic study. Will be interesting to see what comes out of that study by those who are not necessarily of our church.

For myself, I studied this and came to my own conclusions that I also verified in prayer. And I find myself in complete agreement with Joseph when he spoke about his vision “For I had seen a vision; I knew it, and I knew that God knew it, and I could not deny it”

I also know he had this vision and I bear my simple testimony that this is true.

Well, I cancelled the subscriptions I had on the three dating sites I talk to people on and am putting that towards a gym membership. LA Fitness was having a holiday special that waived the registration fee. The monthly dues come to the same amount as those subscriptions. Since I don’t have any prospects on there anyway, I might as well get into that water aerobics class I’ve been drooling over. They even have the perfect time for me to go. (That’s why I jumped at the offer) I have my first consult this evening and I start WA on Monday. I’m not sure I really want to know the percentage of body fat that I have… I know I”m somewhere in the neighborhood of 250lbs. I was at 260lb at one point but I know I’ve lost some, so I’m not sure where I’m at now. I guess we’ll find out.

I can’t wait to breath better.

2008 has been an interesting year….

The main things that have seemed to taken up most of my year were the boyfriend for the first half, the Dj business and Twilight. Kids were the same, bank job was the same…

I wish all of you a Happy New Year. I’m very grateful to my kids and they are truly my heroes. I could not do any of what I do without A and E’s help.

Yay for rain. I say this because the snow is finally gone. We got a max of ten inches in my little section of the city. Some people got more, some less. All of us were stuck for a week and a half. *grumbles about being late to work because a bus lost its chains and got stuck in the snow*

So, as per my morning routine, I spend an hour reading up on Twilight stuff and once again, everyone is going off on how vampires rule the roost for 2008. I’m not sure if the media is being dumb or they’ve been told to play up the vampire angle but seriously, they are missing the main reason for the appeal of the Twilight saga. Completely.

I’ve had countless conversations with other women who have loved the series. When I had to start riding the bus to get to work thanks to the snow, just about every woman who saw me reading one of the Twilight books had to speak up. And while the stories of how they got their hands on the books were all different, one thing kept them in love with the series. Not the vampires, although everyone loved the new vampire mythology that Stephenie created. It wasn’t the bad boy angle. In reality Edward and Jacob aren’t even close to being “bad boys”. What grabbed every women who read these books was the trust these characters created. There is no question that for Edward and Jacob, Bella is their entire world. Everything they do is for her. Both want her to be better off then when she entered their lives and they do everything they can to make sure she is better off then before. They are dependable and constant in their affections and you don’t doubt them for an instant. Add that to the emotional journey these books take you on, as if each emotion is your very own, and you create a fantasy that most women love to be part of.

Lets face it, short term intimate relationships are considered “normal” these days. I don’t know why this is what is pushed in pop culture, but there you go. Men and Women get to be selfish jerks to each other and this is supposed to be healthy behavior.

Yeah, right.

Then a little book series comes along about a constant relationship between two imperfect people who fight to make it work against the odds and everyone goes nuts. This is what they want. Someone who sticks around, partners with them, pampers them, cares about them, strives for the best with them. Do they make mistakes? Oh yeah. Do they learn and try to make it better? Absolutely. Do they give up? No. Now I know some people will point to New Moon as proof that Edward isn’t constant, but come on girls… why did Edward leave? Because he fell out of love? He was feeling capricious? Hardly.

This is the reason why Twilight is such a phenomenon, because we all want a relationship that we can count on. Some of us are lucky enough to have that already. Some of us hope for that in the future. Its not the vampires, werewolves or being teenagers. No matter the age, we want to be in in a relationship that lasts through the highs and lows of life.

We want to be able to depend on that. And for a moment, reading Twilight, we can.

So this weekend we are switching kid bedrooms. The boys need the bigger bedroom. E will like having more privacy. A is resigned to sharing a room with his baby brother. Oh the joy of a two bedroom apartment.

While we do the final packing before we start moving everything tomorrow, the sci fi channel is doing a Highlander marathon. I loved this series and I missed so many of them thanks to working the odd hours that I did. I’ve already seen one that I never saw before. Love it!

Merry Christmas everyone. I hope the day treats you well. I’m very happy to have my kids with me this morning. I love being a mom and while I miss getting any santa gifts of my own, I love watching them be excited and experience some of that magic.

One of the things I miss about being married are those quiet nights where my husband and I would each be reading. We might be on the couch. We might be on our bed. Each of us with a book, silently reading. Its quiet. Its comfortable. Its intimate. Its companionable. It was perfect. No words were spoken but we still felt so close. Those were great moments that I miss.

I saw a clip recently for a movie called Little Ashes. Its a movie about three friends, Salvadore Dali, Federico Garcia Lorca, and Luis Bunuel. In this particular clip, Dali and Lorca are in the same room but working on their separate projects. Its quiet, intimate, companionable and made me miss those quiet moments.