Question?

How can you claim to have respect for someone who you are willing to bad-mouth to your friends?

How can you claim to have respect for someone who you say one thing to while doing another?

How can you claim to have respect when you run from your problems with that person and don’t make a concentrated effort to fix them? Just deal with it and “vent” to your friends about it?

I have learned today that I don’t have respect from the one person who I counted on the most. Who I tried to love even when that person neglected me. I’m not real happy about how I found out about this. It was not intentional and I let him know about it as soon as I discovered it.

But ask yourself this: If someone is having self esteem issues and is not getting better, why demean her to your friends and not realize that her lack of care is in direct response to your lack of care?

Fortunately for me, my self-esteem is now on the rise. While I may feel absolutely humiliated to know what has been said behind my back, I realize that this really has nothing to do with me. These aren’t really my issues that have to be dealt with. I did my best, and fixed what I could when I knew something was wrong, but you can’t fix something your never told about. I still love and care about the people in my life. My family is everything to me and always has been. I have my problems, I’m not perfect by any stretch of the imagination, and when I’m not feeling overwhelmed I try to work on them.

I should be just furious, as some of my aquaintances put it I should “take him to the cleaners”. *grin* While this sounds fun I’m not going to destroy someone because I got my feelings hurt. Walk your path. Find out who you are. Find out what honesty, courage and self-conviction are. Don’t wallow in your hang-ups, and love your kids. Whatever is felt for me is up to you. I know you loved me the best way you knew how. I think that knowledge keeps me from being really mad. Disappointment, I feel in spades, but not anger.

I almost sound like one of those women who always forgives just to get hurt again. I hope not. I’m getting divorced, and I’m going to take care of me for awhile. The kids will have both of us and I’m not going to put them in the middle of some power play. Neither of us have respect for people who make children suffer for their own spite. I care too much about your happiness to hold you down, to make you feel bad, or to trap you into anything.

Find your wings!

This entry was posted on Tuesday, July 8th, 2003 at 2:56 pm and is filed under Family, Life. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.