It’s 5:45 in the bloody morning. I can’t sleep, which is fun since I wasn’t able to eat either for two days. But I’m down to 205lbs now, that’s good right? (roll eyes)
I ended up getting out of class early yesturday. The teacher who knows why I’m in school let me leave because I kept bursting into tears in class. If I wanted she would give me today also to recoup. But I think I’m doing better today.
Yesturday, when I got home from buying bunny “stuff” so that I could clean the cage, I let Karel know why I wasn’t in school. Turns out he was having just as rough of a day as I was. So I took him to lunch. I went and got his favorite meal from Arby’s and took him up to Council Crest for a break. The view was just spactacular, as always, and we had a good time just talking. He seemed to be relatively “better” afterwards (as better as one can be in this situation) and I certainly didn’t feel as crappy as I had earlier.
I finally went back home and noticed that some of the kids had been picked up, which was nice. I have WAY to many kids in my house and with everything else it’s emotional overload. Because I haven’t eaten hardly nothing since Monday I had a light fainting spell which I over-reacted to and then made myself sick by over-eating. Ugh. By drinking LOTS of water I finally got better so I could attend a church function that I needed to be at.
Most people at church know I’m getting divorced. The “why’s” they don’t know, nor do they need to. Some people do know, but they are on the “need to know” list. However, I don’t know if it’s just me, but I find that I get irritated at all the condolences I’m getting. I know they are just trying to be supportive, but really, I do NOT want to be told that “You’ll find a new husband, don’t you worry, God will take care of you” (growl) or “If you need to talk just call me” (yeah right). If your only contact with someone is saying “hi” to them in church each week, how likely is it they are going to be inclined to call you because they are having a bad day. I mean really! And I do NOT want to think about getting a new husband right now, why I know that eventually I will want another one, I liked being married, GIVE ME SOME DAMN TIME! Geesh.
Right now my only priorities is making sure Karel’s O.K. and that my kids are O.K. and that I get school going. I have a whole bunch of other responsibilites but they aren’t on the vital list. What is funny ( and I don’t know if it qualifies as irony or not) is that Karel and I get alot of talking done in IM. I guess it’s easier to be up front when your not looking that person in the face, and that goes for both of us. I find that this journal holds alot of the same purpose as well. But this is my therapy and I know Karel has something similiar that he uses as well. As long as we’re finally being truthful to each other I think we’ll be ok.
