Friday
This has been an amazing week. Lots of discovery, not the good kind; and lots of progress, yes the good kind.
School: Math is coming along pretty good. I’m moving out of fractions and percentages and moving to basic algebra. I LOVED algebra in high school so I should do just fine. I have passed four the five pretests so next week, after I do orientation and pay the fee I can schedule my tests and get my GED. I have only three weeks to get my math in gear so I can take my test in August. That is the plan. I want to be ready for regular college in the fall.
Stupid Stuff: My ring indent is still there, although not nearly as deep anymore, but still noticable. Due to major stress this week I have dropped another five pounds so now I’m at 205lbs. Which makes for a total 25lbs lost to stress. Yipde do dah. When I can get my stomach to cooperate and eat without feeling sick, I try to eat very moderate portions. I do not want to double the weight I’ve lost, which is usually what happens with stress weight.
Children: Alex and Erica are doing good. I haven’t been able to get them into therapy yet, but plan on having appointments scheduled by next week. We had a really awesome talk last sunday and both children apparently decided they needed each other pretty badly so made a big todo about apologizing to each other. So far I haven’t heard hardly any grumbles from them. I tell you, I’m so impressed by them. They know that eventually sometime around January we’ll be moving and they ignore it for the most part. Right now their life hasn’t changed much, they’ve got a good five months now to get used to the idea, so it’s not a shock. I hope.
Hubby: Is a nervous wreck. I found out a bunch of stuff I didn’t know before and it’s made life tense this week. I hazard a guess, but I think his friends are getting the brunt of what he won’t tell me. Hopefully they are supporting him positively.
Me: Due to revelations this week I had my first anxiety induced fainting spell. Yay! (heavy sarcasm) However even with the revelations I’m ok. Once again it’s not about me. However, some people have felt the need to rant about me anyway, and when some obvious factual problems were noticed I told hubby that he had to do something about it, or I was going to assume everything he was telling me was once again bullshit. (yes, I do swear when it’s warrented) He put a lovely piece on his website that I appreciated about the mud-slinging. I really hope it was the truth.
While I love the hell out of him, trust is not something I have alot of. While I want him to be happy and can forgive him for everything, I’d be stupid to just act like everything is fine. Everything is not fine and I don’t know how to make it better. I’m the mommy right? Isn’t that what mommies do? However, I do know that time heals all wounds, and heals all hearts, and in a couple of days hopefully I’ll have adjusted to the new knowledge I possess.
Even after everything I’ve learned this week, I still know that he cares for me. Which is the strangest thing I’m experiencing. I teased him that if he was trying to make me hate him he didn’t do it right or something. *grin* Maybe it’s because I know him so well, now I know what to look for I know how to read him. My heart aches because I know there is nothing I can do to make it better for him. I love him so much and for both of our sakes I need to support him, but walk away and give him his freedom. This is the hardest and most likely the best lesson I’ll ever learn in this life.
