My 30th Birthday.
First of all let me say thank you to those of you who wished me happy birthday, that was just wonderful of you, and I especially want to say thank you to Karel for his nice birthday wishes.
I may be one of the few people who was looking forward to getting rid of their second decade. And I’m thrilled to say I’m 30. So I thought I would run through my life and look at where I’m at three decades down the road. Yes it’s a long post, you can skip to the end if you wish.
Born on an Air Force Base in New Mexico by a doctor who, according to my mother, considered himself such a gift to childbirth,that he didn’t need to have the mother present to deliver babies. *grin* While sitting in the waiting room, my grandmother saw a group of blue birds fly to the window and stayed at the window until the nurse came in to announce my birth, to which they then took off and flew away. She always claimed that they escorted my spirit here to earth.
My dad was a computer programer for the Air Force and my mom was a 18 year old young wife. Over the next 13 years they added three more boys and three more girls, for a crazy and loud total of seven children.
My dad didn’t stay in the service long, but because of my dad’s job as a computer programer, we moved around many times. Until the move to Portland when I was 14, we had moved over 20 times and mostly never lived longer then a couple of years in one place, except for one location that lasted four years. I had many experiences good and bad. I was easy to tease and usually the most picked on kid in school. I had no clue on clothes, fashion, makeup, or social skills. I was molested several times over by other kids and once by an adult. I had a good singing voice and performed often, I enjoyed acting, reading, listening to music and could most often be found hiding in my room. I started babysitting at age 9 and quickly became a tyrant due to the fact that my parents would hold me responsible for any trouble that happened. To say the least there was alot of fighting amongst the siblings. I spent most of the time during those fights keeping the oldest brother from picking on the younger kids, especially one particular brother.
I hated school because of the teasing and never understanding what the hell was being taught. Most kids who move alot have trouble knowing what’s going on because of the gaps in what you learn. It got worse in seventh grade when I foolishly told another student that I had been molested. I then got the first hand knowledge of being sexually harrassed at school. It only stopped when I finally took my flute and used it to defend myself against the main antoganist. I promptly told my band teacher, who was the scarriest person in the school, and after that time, they may have called me names but they left me alone.
I’ve always been proud that I finally stood up for myself.
Eight grade was the start of the turn around. While some really cruel jokes where played on me, they didn’t effect me as much, perhaps because they never got to the depths of the year before. But there were many triumphs for me that year. I made some very good friends who I still think of fondly, and I had many opportunities to perform and be active in my school. It also helped that I had moved to a new school between seventh and eight. That was also the year where I first performed in a church road show, which is a fifteen minute musical based on a theme. To everyone’s surprise I got the lead and won an award for my performance. I had always had the acting bug, but my parents were afraid that I was only into it for the fame, but that year my parents finally saw that I liked it because I could be good at it.
High School saw more growth and triumphs. I was still weird, but at least kids were tolerant of me being weird, and we moved to Portland. I slowly started getting a clue about clothes and makeup. I can honestly say my sophmore year was my favorite year, it wasn’t my best year, but it was the most fun and it was the first year where I didn’t get teased in some cruel fashion by the student body.
I just have to say, I will never move my kids to a small town, if I have any say about it, ever!
During my senior year of high school I took part in the Portland Revue, which showcased perfomances from the high schools. I don’t know if they are still doing this, but 12 years ago they were. My school was sharing a dressing room with a group from Lincoln HS. One of the guys was trying to put on stage makeup to cover his white body while wearing a toga. And doing a miserable job. I offered to help and spent the next hour rubbing stage makeup over his upper body. *grin* Yeah, it was rough. I ended up just using my hands because the sponges they had just weren’t doing the job fast enough. My drama teacher allowed my new friend to take me home and the next day at school, I got alot of startled looks from my school mates about picking up some guy at the event. I didn’t date anyone at school, and they had never seen me connect with someone at an event. I had many week or two week boyfriends from stuff like this. But they never lasted.
I go into this only because Brian, my friend from Lincoln, ended up introducing me to Karel. And that is a whole fun story all on its own.*evil grin* I can’t remember if I’ve ever told it here. But to keep it short, one month after meeting Brian, I was dating Karel.
Karel and I connected in a way I have never connected to anyone else ever. He listened to all my weirdness and just accepted it. It’s a gift he has that keeps getting him into trouble. *chuckle* And he was the first guy I ever dated longer then a month. I remember the first time we made plans for a concert two months out. It just wasn’t even an issue that we’d still be together to go.
And that was the start of my life as an adult. With many ups and downs, many discoveries and many disappointments. But as I look back on my last 30 years I realize that I don’t have all that many regrets. There are somethings that it would have been nice to have different. But I wouldn’t be who I am today without them. And I like who I am. I’m not mean and vindictive. I don’t go for revenge. I try to be caring and understanding and for some goofy reason can’t tell the people I care about no, even when I should, unless their a kid. *grin* I am working on my procrastination issues and I have an unshakable knowledge and testimony of God. And I have put that testimony on the chopping block many times to test just how real what I believe is.
I now get to look towards my future. I’m in the process of putting one life away and starting another one. I find that I have an enormous power to forgive and to love. And as long as I try to hold on to that, I think I’ll find the happiness I have always been searching for. That contentment that comes with knowing that your doing exactly what you should be and working toward the goals that you want to achieve. Many of my scars are well healed and do not control my life as they once did, and that gives me a great deal of freedom to enjoy life and to give joy to others.
And I find I’m looking forward to that. I may pine for what I once had, but with a closer look, I discover many gaps in what I thought I had. Now it’s time to fill in the gaps of my life, and see where it will take me.
