Since you decided to post about it to your journal and the agreement was to have grievances sent to you personally, i am emailing this to you and posting this to your comments section. I wanted to post this to your journal to so casual readers wouldn’t think that everything you are saying is The Truth(tm).

“Those of you who are into the polyamory thing, should have known that this was not ok.”

Well, yes, I DO know that it’s not OK… why do you think i stopped doing it? I have known GD for several years. We messed around on line and in person for about a year. The reason why we stopped was because i decided that if i was going to be poly, I couldn’t participate in someone “cheating”. So, i do know NOW that it was definitely not OK in a poly lifestyle… but i didn’t know it then.

“I’ve been talking to several poly groups around the country checking out if this kind of behavior is considered ok by these poly support groups and GUESS WHAT? I was told by two of these groups that this type of behavior would terminate those peoples rights to be involved in their group.”

Go back to the “several” poly groups that you have been chatting with and ask them how many of them have NEVER participated in an extra-marital activity, where the spouse didn’t approve (whether it was them or their partner that was attached). See how many will admit to doing that before they figured out the poly thing, because it was before they figured out that it didn’t fit into the poly philosophy. And if EVERY SINGLE MEMBER of those groups claims to NEVER have flirted, kissed, fondled or had sexual relations in that situation, then you are dealing with people who need to learn to be truthful with themselves and others.

“EVEN these two POLY Groups feel this is wrong since it was all done without my permission. While Hubby may only be figuring this crap out, you guys should have known better.”

I remind you again that I stopped doing it when i started following an active poly lifestyle.

“I don’t expect apologies from anyone. That would require maturity and a recognition that you did something wrong.”

Ooh, did that make you feel better?

I will remind you again that I stopped and why i stopped. It was not my place to apologize to you when we stopped messing around as GD had not chosen to come to you about it. If it will soothe your hurt feelings, then i apologize for having sex with your husband without your permission.

Better?

“And since I have been given the direct impression that what happened was considered justified by everyone besides Hubby,”

Strange how you have gotten that impression without ever having talked to me about it. I have never defended the fact that i had sex with GD, but it was never my place to rat him out, either. I have never posted anything to my own journal or said anything to GD wherein I JUSTIFIED what we were doing. I just never felt guilty about it. It was wrong and I recognize that and accept my responsibility for it. I learned a lesson about life and how I want to live it. If you consider that justifying what i did, then that’s your cross to bear, not mine.

“I just hope that those who have been caught up in this mess can learn from their mistakes even if they never apologize to me.”

I already did, on both counts.

Mari

emailed and posted