Saturday
Today was just me and the Spud, Erica was off camping this weekend. We went and had a wonderful breakfast and then took him school shopping. The spud jumped 2 shoe sizes this summer, he’s been wearing sandles so we hadn’t noticed. I bought him clothes for school. I kept extra money out of that tax refund we got just so I could make sure he got some good clothes this year. I used to get teased so badly about my clothes, I don’t want him to have that same problem.
We went to lunch and then bought a couple of games that we could play just the two of us. With the foresight that eventually it will be just three of us once Karel moves out. We had a good time playing Mastermind and hopefully we’ll play Operation tomorrow. I love my Spud. He’s so funny and smart. I’m excited to think who’ll he’ll be as an adult.
*RANT*
The rest of my day would have been just fine if it hadn’t been for an e-mail recieved this afternoon. Someone sent me an e-mail apologizing for being one of Hubby’s cybersex partners. At first I was just grateful that Someone felt they needed to apologize for their part in all the lying that was done behind my back. While I’m grateful that this person had the maturity to recognize that what they did was wrong, it also emphasized those who do not consider their participation in Hubby’s lie wrong.
Listen up ladies. If you cybered with him, sent him naked pictures or accepted naked pictures of him. Met with him to have sex, let him watch you undress on your webcam or vise versa. Sent him provacative stories and a host of other little things, DURING the time we were married. YOU WERE PARTICIPATING IN THE ADULTERY!!!!!!!!!! Any and all of these things and the host of other sick, twisted things I’m sure I don’t want to know about all count as adultery. Since I did NOT know about it. Since I did NOT say it was ok. And all this violated the vows that I was at least being faithful to.
Those of you who are into the polyamory thing, should have known that this was not ok. I’ve been talking to several poly groups around the country checking out if this kind of behavior is considered ok by these poly support groups and GUESS WHAT? I was told by two of these groups that this type of behavior would terminate those peoples rights to be involved in their group. EVEN these two POLY Groups feel this is wrong since it was all done without my permission. While Hubby may only be figuring this crap out, you guys should have known better.
I don’t expect apologies from anyone. That would require maturity and a recognition that you did something wrong. And since I have been given the direct impression that what happened was considered justified by everyone besides Hubby, I would probably drop dead from shock. (heavy sarcasm)
There’s an old saying that says: One who lives a lie surrounds themselves with like-minded people. Everyweek I find out something new that proves this adage true.
Everyone, I’m sure, realizes that I don’t trust a single thing I’m told by Hubby, and after all this nor should I. I will reiterate however, while I’m beyond pissed at the hypocrisy of the number of people in Hubby’s life, I am not going to be taking this out on Him. Hubby and I had a very good talk on Friday and I heard from him what I needed to hear. I’m done talking about this with him now. Whether it was the truth or not only time will tell, but it let me know how Hubby viewed our relationship. And for now I’ll let it stand since my sanity is dependant on my believing his answer right now.
The level of lies is just amazing and I will be glad when I can seperate myself from this. I’m glad school is starting. I’m glad that for now this divorce is friendly. I’m glad that Hubby is allowing me to get our bills out of the way. I’m glad that He is a good father. I’m glad I have my faith to hold onto. I’m glad that when I pray there is a peace that allows me to be calm and lets the anger dissapate for a time. I’m glad for my job, and I’m thankful for those who have been supportive during this really rough time. I’m very thankful for the girl who apologized to me. We all make mistakes, and the net is a really slippery slope to make them on. It’s really easy. I just hope that those who have been caught up in this mess can learn from their mistakes even if they never apologize to me.
August 31st, 2003 at 4:05 pm
RE: Rant
Anyone who participates knowingly in the breaking of vows is cheating … be the vows of monogamy, tell all, or whatever. I’m glad you seem to be coming out of this emotionally intact … at least, for the most part.
September 3rd, 2003 at 1:23 pm
Wendi -
Since you decided to post about it to your journal and the agreement was to have grievances sent to you personally, i am emailing this to you and posting this to your comments section. I wanted to post this to your journal to so casual readers wouldn’t think that everything you are saying is The Truth(tm).
“Those of you who are into the polyamory thing, should have known that this was not ok.”
Well, yes, I DO know that it’s not OK… why do you think i stopped doing it? I have known GD for several years. We messed around on line and in person for about a year. The reason why we stopped was because i decided that if i was going to be poly, I couldn’t participate in someone “cheating”. So, i do know NOW that it was definitely not OK in a poly lifestyle… but i didn’t know it then.
“I’ve been talking to several poly groups around the country checking out if this kind of behavior is considered ok by these poly support groups and GUESS WHAT? I was told by two of these groups that this type of behavior would terminate those peoples rights to be involved in their group.”
Go back to the “several” poly groups that you have been chatting with and ask them how many of them have NEVER participated in an extra-marital activity, where the spouse didn’t approve (whether it was them or their partner that was attached). See how many will admit to doing that before they figured out the poly thing, because it was before they figured out that it didn’t fit into the poly philosophy. And if EVERY SINGLE MEMBER of those groups claims to NEVER have flirted, kissed, fondled or had sexual relations in that situation, then you are dealing with people who need to learn to be truthful with themselves and others.
“EVEN these two POLY Groups feel this is wrong since it was all done without my permission. While Hubby may only be figuring this crap out, you guys should have known better.”
I remind you again that I stopped doing it when i started following an active poly lifestyle.
“I don’t expect apologies from anyone. That would require maturity and a recognition that you did something wrong.”
Ooh, did that make you feel better?
I will remind you again that I stopped and why i stopped. It was not my place to apologize to you when we stopped messing around as GD had not chosen to come to you about it. If it will soothe your hurt feelings, then i apologize for having sex with your husband without your permission.
Better?
“And since I have been given the direct impression that what happened was considered justified by everyone besides Hubby,”
Strange how you have gotten that impression without ever having talked to me about it. I have never defended the fact that i had sex with GD, but it was never my place to rat him out, either. I have never posted anything to my own journal or said anything to GD wherein I JUSTIFIED what we were doing. I just never felt guilty about it. It was wrong and I recognize that and accept my responsibility for it. I learned a lesson about life and how I want to live it. If you consider that justifying what i did, then that’s your cross to bear, not mine.
“I just hope that those who have been caught up in this mess can learn from their mistakes even if they never apologize to me.”
I already did, on both counts.
Mari
emailed and posted
September 3rd, 2003 at 2:04 pm
Mari, thank you for your comments. I appreciate your view of things and I will be e-mailing you directly. Thank you for showing that you are a growing person who is learning through their experiences.