Women’s Language Lessons #1
Here’s a guide for all you hopeless men who try and fail to correctly interprete what that woman in your life is actually saying. (snicker) Good Luck!
Women’s Language
“FINE” – this is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are right and you need to shut up. Never use “fine” to describe how a woman looks – this will cause you to have one of those arguments.
“FIVE MINUTES” – This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it’s an even trade.
“NOTHING” – This means “something,” and you should be on your toes, “Nothing” is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. “Nothing” usually signifies an argument that will last “Five Minutes” and end with “Fine”.
“GO AHEAD” – (with Raised Eyebrows) – This is a “dare”. One that will result in a woman getting upset over “Nothing “ and will end with the word “Fine”.
“GO AHEAD” (Normal Eyebrows) – This means “I give up” or “do what you want because I don’t care”. You will get a “Raised Eyebrow Go Ahead” in just a few minutes, followed by ‘Nothing” and “Fine and she will talk to you in about “Five Minutes” when she cools off.
“LOUD SIGH” – This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A “Loud Sigh” means she thinks you are an idiot at the moment, and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over “Nothing”.
“SOFT SIGH’—Again, not a word, but a non-verbal statement. “Soft Sighs” mean that she is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe, and she will stay content.
“THAT’S OKAY” – This is one of the most dangerous statements that a women can make to a man. “That’s Okay” means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you back for what ever it is that you have done. “That’s Okay” is often used with the work “Fine” and in conjunction with a “Raised Eyebrow”.
“PLEASE DO” – This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done (and it is possible that you may not have “done” anything, but the perception is the reality). You have a fair chance with the truth, so be careful and you probably won’t get a ‘That’s Okay”.
“THANKS” – A woman is thanking you. Do not faint. Just say you’re welcome and don’t ask any questions or add any comments and you’ll probably be safe.
“THANKS A LOT” – This is much different from “Thanks”. A woman will say “Thanks A Lot” when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have offended her in some callous way (intentional or not), and will quite often be followed by the “Loud Sigh”. Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the “Loud Sigh”, as she will only tell you “Nothing”
