Good weekend.

Friday was my daughter’s tenth birthday. Oh, my, how they grow up. I can’t believe it’s been ten years. A crazy birth, scabbies, breastfeeding till 8 months despite my best efforts to get her on a bottle, precocious, adorable, chicken pox, reading, playing the dumb blond but turning out to be the smartest of us all, intelligent, quick, developing sense of humor, friendly, caring, outgoing, patient, and strong.

These are only some of my daughters characteristics and some of the trials we’ve been through together. She is such a great kid and I’m so lucky to be her Mom. I thank God that this wonderful, vivacious child was allowed to be part of our family. The rest of us are hermit types, and she is the sunshine in all our lives. Happy Birthday sweetie, your the best of us all.

Saturday saw me working another wedding. This time for an italian family. A big italian family, and I had lots of fun. Of course Frock comes from an italian family so I got to think of him all night, which wasn’t unpleasant. (grin)

My friend Chaos from the yahoo chat room I like best has put up a website that collects all of our pictures of those of us who regularly chat in Religion 2. I have posted a link if you want to see the crazy people I chat with everyday. And yes, a picture of Frock is there as well. (chuckles)

Sunday finds me here, contemplative and reflective. (these words may mean the same thing but I liked them anyway)

12 years ago I started an adventure. One that saw joy and pain, but one that taught me what love really means. Not the selfish , spoiled, temperamental love that the movies and TV try to pass off as real love, but the enduring, sacrificing part of love that sees all trials and endures all pain to know the most perfect joy. Thanks to my kids and to Karel I have had a glimpse at that kind of love and I think it’s worth all the pain and joy we go through.

I’ve been taken by surprise at how much I’ve come to care for my friend Frock. And for a long time I was scared I was just rebounding, because of how intensely I was feeling. But as the days go by, I sit now and contemplate the fact that I’m ready and willing to love again. I’m not afraid to love, I don’t sit here worrying if I’ll just be hurt again. I’m starting to see life as an adventure and I know that my time with Frock will be a good one, whether it becomes more then just friendship and the love one has for a friend we still have to see, but I’m willing to go on that adventure. I’m willing to see where this road takes me. To delve into the personality that is my friend and appreciate him for all that he is, flaws and all.

I have days where I’m still very angry at GD for lying to me all these years. For not being truthful and just letting me know that he no longer wanted to honor the promises he made to me. Alot of pain on both sides could have been prevented. But I look on these last twelve years as a journey I needed to take to be who I am right now. I wouldn’t do anything different, although there are things that would have been nice to have different, but then I’d be in a different place and I may not have had the deep friendship of my friend. I wouldn’t trade that for anything nor would I trade my kids or the experiences I’ve had over the last twelve years. Now I just need time to heal the anger and resentment, to allow me to look at what WAS good about my marriage without tainting it all as lies and deception. But I don’t think there is a quick fix on this one. I have to continue caring about my family, and yes GD is still a part of my family, and eventually time will replace the bad memories with good ones. Now I just need to remember that and not take a baseball bat to him. (wink)
Chaosmage 101’s Religion Rm. 2

This entry was posted on Sunday, September 28th, 2003 at 2:56 pm and is filed under Life. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.