Oh my, so much has happened in the last week and yet, because it all happened online, there’s a part of me that thinks, not much happened.

To start with, Christmas went well. We had a nice family christmas, everyone got a few presents each and we had a good time enjoying each others company. It’s going to be the last christmas in this house, I think, but it’s not bittersweet.

New Years saw me Dj-ing at Shananigans, and having a great time. We had a more mature crowd who mostly wanted 80’s rock. It was fun. I got sore though trudging through the snow setting up.

Portland has been getting snow dumped on it..then it rains and melts, then we get more. *UGH* It’s driving me batty.

Now, update on me:

I’m going nuts. Pure and simple. I’ve been told that this is common when your coming out of a long relationship. A friend of mine recommended having a profile on AdultFriendFinder.com. So I’ve had one for about a couple of weeks. I’ve met some nice people from there…but there’s a catch. Because it’s basically a sex site, that’s all anyone is looking for. I’m not looking for sex, just to meet people. You see the conflict. I have met some nice guys on here who seem to like my intelligent and witty banter….chuckle. We’ll see if anything happens.

I did go on my second date last night. K and I went to see Return of the King. I met K on AFF and we’ve been talking for about a week. It was a good first date. He’s sexy as hell, and really a good kisser. The neat thing for me, was that he was tall. And that didn’t make me uncomfortable at all. In fact, he never made me feel uncomfortable. Even when he was trying to paw me to death. He seemed put out that I wasn’t swept away by his agressive handling of me, but come on…it’s a first date, and maybe it’s just me…but I like to feel a person is kissing ME, not just my body. He stopped when I told him too, so that’s a plus.

I really liked him alot and felt comfortable with him. We’ll see if we go on anymore dates, it’ll be up to him. He complained I was too controlled…chuckle. I found that amusing. I supposed in a way I am very controlled. My life has often not been my own. Foolish choices have stolen other choices away. And I let myself get carried away by one guy and I’m not going to let that happen again. The guy who gets me, will have to prove it to me that he’s worth letting go for. And he won’t be disappointed when he does. I’ve learned that much about myself.

However, I’ve been indulging in way too many “conversations” with people online to feel in control of anything either. In a way, it’s been interesting, I’ve discovered some interesting things about myself, about men, and about how truely silly casual sexual conversations can be. I have this irrational need of intelligent discourse. And for some reason…and this is going to be crude…the phrase: “I want to F*** your hot pussy” just doesn’t cut it. I’ve seen this stupid phrase alot in the last two weeks. Do guys really think this turns women on? And if it does? I don’t want to meet those women. I think my AFF profile will be coming down soon, the return is not worth the hassle weeding through the shallow people just looking for sex.

Return of the King is an excellent movie. I loved it. Sean Astin needs to get all the awards for Best Supporting Actor. Hands down, no ifs, ands or buts about it. I will have a crush on Frodo forever, but Sam captured my heart.

All the actors did an excellent job. Peter did an excellent job telling this story and deserves every honor as well. I’ve heard some silly conversations in the last week about how some people feel that there’s a homosexual flavor to Frodo’s and Sam’s relationship. I just have to roll my eyes at their shallowness. I find it irritating that the deep bonds of friendship, brotherhood and commitment to one another that was developed by these characters could be viewed in such a manner. Have we screwed up what love is and can be in all it’s forms that every time anyone has affection for another it’s sexual? I’m learning myself how deep friendship love can be….as I’m closed down to passionate sexual love at the moment, due to the loss of so many loves, my heart isn’t interested in anything deeper, so far.

As soon as our taxes come in, we file for divorce and move into our seperate households. Life should be interesting this year. I am going to pursue being a music therapist, it seems the best blend of my talents. And I’m going to try to pull my life back together. It’s in shreds, and these silly conversations I’m indulging in haven’t helped.

This entry was posted on Saturday, January 3rd, 2004 at 2:56 pm and is filed under Life. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.