The last few days have been strange. I’ve been mostly depressed simply because starting wednesday night, my dad started throwing up his morphine pills. I get a call from my mom at around 11pm to tell me about it and to confirm that I was getting some stuff done she needed.

To say the least I was very sad. One’s body can only accept so much medication before the body says enough is enough…
Anyway…as a way of making myself feel better I started talking more to T online…he gets it into his head that I’m some overly emotional, needy, clingy person and tells me I have too many emotional issues and he needs to concentrate on his son, so not to talk to him anymore. I’m sitting here looking at my screen as he’s telling me this thinking….well like no duh! Let’s see, my dad is dying, I’m going through a divorce, I have school, church, house, and work to deal with…emotional? ME? Needing comfort and support? NOOOOOOOOO!?!?! *rolls eyes*

Whatever. One would think I was a stalker by the way he acted. I wish him the best though, I have no problem with someone who puts his kids first.

Thursday and friday saw me both distracted and useless, I just couldn’t seem to pull it together…I just kept worrying about my dad.

I did have another date with a friend I knew friday night. We went to Harvey’s comedy club, had a very good time. The three comedians were just hysterical I feel bad that I never think to write down who I see so I can talk about them…but I do remember the headliners name which was Micheal Pace. Extremely funny, his face contorts into all these funny expressions. His humor never goes exactly where you think it might and he is great at handling hecklers. (We had one group that had been drinking since 5pm and our show was at 10pm) If you get the chance to see Micheal Pace, go see him, you will not regret the evening.

Aftwards, my friend and I sat in my van and chatted for a few hours. It was nice…he was very understanding of me having “emotional issues” told me that under the circumstances I better have emotional issues. *grin* He’s a massouse so I got awesome shoulder and back rubs all night. As I have said before massages earn lots of brownie points. It was a nice evening…very comfortable, very sweet, and we enjoyed each other’s humor.

One of the other things that happened this week was that I was asked to work as a bridal show for our Dj service. As Jerry, the owner, is good friends with a local bridal shop, so we were outfitted by them since we had to dress in formal attair. For some reason having me in a tux wasn’t good enough so they had me in a dress. Now, I loved the shop, Debbie, the owner is fantastic, what I didn’t like was that the only dresses that fit my size were in colors I didn’t like. Not their fault…they don’t have much control over their dress example sizes, but still, my choices were this muted green dress, a muted purple, a bright pink chifon number and this golden taupe dress. I said no to the green and purple dresses. They would have totally washed me out. The pink dress, while beautiful, made me look like barbie with major curves. The form hugging dress looked great, but the color put me off. So we went with the golden taupe dress. It was a vest style top and skirt combo. The cut looked great on me and except for the color nearly matching my hair, fit wonderfully. My only problem with the dress was the color. I used to like looking all one shade when I was trying to hide. But I don’t do that anymore, I like bold colors that stand out. I did look very good…but I just really didn’t like the color. And I also had to find shoes to match this dress. Which wasn’t easy, as I was going to be standing for 5 hours and had to find formal shoes that would be high enough for the dress and comfortable enough to stand in. I didn’t really succeed much. I ended up standing in one spot alot anyway, so I just got out of the shoes and didn’t move much. *wink*

The bridal show was fun and I had a good time talking to people about what we do for a living.

My mom called me last night to say that dad had stopped vomiting and was now back to taking his pills normally. He however is very weak. Only eats a couple of bites of food at meal times and barely drinks any water. It’s clear that his body is shutting down and she called to finalize funeral plans. I find myself very pensive as I contemplate my father’s passing. I am ready for it, I’m not resentful or anything, but I am sad a little. I’m sad for the pain he has to go through, how rough this is all on my mom and those of my siblings who are taking care of him. My sister Amber is a CNA and that helps a great deal. She’s very competant. So her and Mom take turns taking care of him, with Hospice coming in every so often to check up on him and talk to Amber.

It’s a rough situation..I can barely cope, I can only imagine how my Mom is doing.

This entry was posted on Sunday, January 18th, 2004 at 2:56 pm and is filed under Family, Life. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.