I hope that everyone was able to enjoy Christmas this year. We were all set to have a miserly Christmas this year, when some secret santa’s got involved and brightened it up. What could have been a slightly depressing day, ended up being very good. We received several games and had a good time with our kids playing them. We were able to get Alex a K’nex building set, so he is able to put some of his Lego Physics class lessons to use. Erica recieved a tea set, which I find funny since we don’t drink tea. And a basket with all sorts of girly things in it. Our secret santa gave us games, and a whole lot of candy. So it was a fun Christmas.

The one thing I do miss,however, is having family nearby. My family all live in Arizona or California. My husband’s family hardly talk to each other. My family isn’t much better even if they do talk to each other. My brother’s wife has post partum (I have no idea how that word is spelled) depression, she thinks she doesn’t but I suffured with it, and when I visited in September, I could see how unhappy she still was, and I’m told they arent’ doing very well. My youngest sibling got proposed to on her sixteenth birthday, and then a month later informed us she was pregnant. So that makes all four of us girls to start our adult lives with a child in tow so that our early years can be DIFFICULT. My two youngest brothers are just stupid. Hopefully they will grow out of it. My mom informed the family a couple of years ago that she has believed for the entire 30 years my parents have been married, that my father hated her. And now is thinking of divorce cause she believe’s she lived in an abusive relationship. Us kids can’t really support this cause we saw what she didn’t. That my father worships the ground my mother walks on and loves her to death. He’s enormously proud of what my mother has accomplished coming as she did from a family who told her she would never succeed cause she was poor white trash. However she has never seen what my siblings and I have witnessed. She has spent her entire marriage believing that my father hated everything about her. Of course when she told us this, we looked at her as if she was crazy. Which just made her feel worse, she want’s nothing more to do with dad believing as she does that she was in an abusive relationship, and none of the kids can feel supportive of this cause we saw that she did have a loving and supportive relationship. Not that my dad is perfect, not hardly. My dad has plenty of faults, but these could have been looked over if my mother had realized how much dad loved her. But how can you reconcile a percieved abusive relationship when it’s all in one’s perceptions.

I at this point in time cannot support my mother in this. My father is living with me right now because he doesn’t want to make mom more angry at him, so he’s staying away from her while she makes up her mind what she wants to do. Of course you can’t fix a marriage when you live in another state. (rolls eyes) I feel like taking my parents and locking them in a room until they grow up. But children can’t interfer with their parents. We have to have “patience”. I saw the loving things my dad would do when he would do something to make mom mad at him. He tip toes around her so much it’s almost pathetic, but he’s willing to let her go if it makes her feel better. It can’t be easy for him, finding out the woman you love more then anything else has believed you hated everything about her. I swear, soap opera’s can’t get this bad…………oh, to top it all off, my mom is approaching menopause. Yes that always makes a woman rational.

I just find this whole thing irritating and stupid. There has always been a pain that lived in our house. It caused us kids to fight like animals when our parents were away, and none of us noticed it, until we moved out and found peace in our homes, but when we went back to our parents place that pain would still be there, and we would get snappy. We now know that Mom was the source of that pain that has lived in our house. And I find myself very resentful of that fact.
Will there be a happy resolve to this, I doubt it, it’s going to take years for Mom to figure this out. I just hope they don’t burn to many bridges.

This entry was posted on Thursday, December 26th, 2002 at 2:56 pm and is filed under Family, Life. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.