The only problem with all this packing and moving and cleaning are these little walks down memory lane I’ve been forced to take as I run into various items. I’m getting tired of being pushed into tears by a random item.

The lastest incident involved a christmas card Greyduck was given. The girl was smart enough not to put her name in it, but she talked about how she hoped the next year would be less stressful for both of them. It was just laying on my bedroom floor. But as I looked at this I was just reminded of all the pain that has existed in this situation. Not only for myself but for Greyduck.

Then I was overcome by a useless sense of rage at this whole mess. How this could have all been avoided.

I will not make the same mistakes twice.

I was helping a friend of mine who’s being pushed away by his girlfriend who just found out she has breast cancer. He called me a wise old friend. All I could do was shake my head.

I’m not wise. I look over the last 6 months and I haven’t been wise even once. I’ve done things I don’t like, most done in moments of deep self-loathing. I’m only now trying to pick up the pieces.

As I pick up the pieces and start this next part of my life, I can only pray that I can remember the lessons that I’ve been forced to learn over the last 12 years.

I will not settle for less then everything I need. And if no one is willing to be there by me…so be it.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, March 16th, 2004 at 2:56 pm and is filed under Life. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.