Ugh
Life has just not been nice to me this last week. I woke up this morning feeling like death warmed over. I haven’t hardly slept the last couple of nights. I keep dreaming of Dead Marlowe, doesn’t do much for keeping me asleep. I wake up crying. Dumb dreams. He finally broke things off with me. We’re just too far apart, he feels. He had become my best friend. He was the first I felt really really comfortable talking about everything with. We had no taboo subjects. That is so rare to find in a friendship. It’s no wonder it blossomed into something more. But he has things he needs to work on, and with the distance making it difficult to ever see each other. He felt it was best to break things off. At least this time, I knew what was going on. This did not come as a surprise. We’d been talking about this for nearly a month. But as I had said earlier, he made me part of the process. I appreciated that. But knowing I was causing another to hurt, made my choice for me. I had to let him go when he asked it of me. I will not ever let go of his friendship, but I could release him from loving me.
The weird part of the story for me, however, has been the reaction of my chatroom to me being single again. I’ve had three chatters start paying attention to me now. I find it sort of amusing. But I’m not going to be jumping into anything soon. I would like to keep my hope that DM would come back to me. But I’ve learned my lesson against that. When they leave, they leave, so you have to move on. Besides, if a guy doesn’t want to be here, I’m not going to force them.
My computer died yesturday. So I’m now on my daughters computer making these entries until mine can be fixed.
I’m having a hard time getting parents to volunteer for our school dance that I’m dj-ing this friday, and if I can’t find five more people today we have to cancel. I’ve only been trying to dj a school dance for three years. Last year’s dance was stolen from me. I’m going to move mountains to make this one work.
I need to finish getting my school paperwork and financial aid filled out, but I’ve had one catastrophe after another since last week. For example, last tuesday my water heater rusted out. That was fun. My neighbor in the apartment below comes up and tells me that water is running into his bathroom from his ceiling. I had hot water spraying out from the bottom of the water heater into the corner of the wall it was next to. Heated up my apartment to sauna temperatures. That was fun…..NOT!
So anyway, I feel all blah today.
