Doc. Appt.
Today was my doctor appt. to get my overies checked. I did a full exam as I hadn’t had one in awhile. With all three of my sisters having discovered cysts on their overies, two of whom will have to have them removed, it’s made me a touch nervous. After all, I’m the oldest. If my younger sisters have bad overies, what does that mean for me?
Well, I passed my physical with flying colors, now I just have to wait for the test results of the papsmere. After getting poked and proded and felt all over, my doctor wasn’t worried about me much. Especially as I don’t have any other major symptoms of the condition other then severe cramps which I’ve always had. The fact that I was on Depo Provera also would have helped to slow down the developement of cysts. The doc said that if I was still worried about developing cysts I could always go back on Depo as a preventative measure. I’m not really sure I want to do that. It’s rather expensive. I go for an overian ultrasound on friday which will check for sure if I have them in enough numbers to warrent concern. After all, as my doctor pointed out, healthy overies have cysts anyway. It’s the number of them that causes the concern.
But just from the initial check-up, I seem to be okay. Which I’m glad. I was a tad nervous about all of this, after all, being able to have kids is a basic part of being female. And unfortunately, my ability to have more kids is actually a cause for concern. I know alot of guys my age who haven’t had their kids yet, and I constantly get asked, since I have two already who are half grown, if I’m willing to have more. I always say that it will depend on the situation and of course age that I marry again. While I don’t for a moment blame the guys for asking when they don’t have kids themselves or want more kids then they have, but dang it…I feel like a brood mare somedays. As if my only good qualification is my ability to have children.
It’s a unfortunately consequence of belonging to a religion that believes in the eternal order of families and hold importance on having children and helping to provide physical bodies for our spirit siblings who haven’t had a chance to gain physical bodies of their own yet.
Now don’t get me wrong…I always wanted four kids, and I actually would love to raise a family with a husband who’s involved from conception to everything else. Not that I’m knocking Greyduck. He grew up with no way to relate to a baby and so was uncomfortable around them and had very little to do with them until they were talking and he could converse with them. He’s great now, but there’s always been that wistful part of me that wished I had experienced the wonderful help that I saw my Dad, and the other dad’s I see at church, giving their wives.
Yeah, it would be nice to experience that, but that still doesn’t stop the slight aggravation that comes with feeling like I’m only wanted for my womb potential. I’m half tempted to start telling people I’m sterile, just so that I can weed out more jerks.
