Despite the fun of fighting my dying DSL box, I’ve had some interesting experiences this last week. I won’t go into the joyous flu bug I got over the weekend. Lets just say it didn’t blend well with the pregnancy.

The big thing to come out of this last week, was a realization that came from an argument I had with Greyduck over something stupid, and then later in the week He very unselfishly helped me with my saturday problems.

I learned two things:
1) I still have a very great deal of pent up bitter fury about the 12 years we were together and what transpired. This surprised me, I didn’t realize the knot was so big.
2) If I don’t learn to forgive him, I’m never going to move forward with my life.

It comes down to a simple realization really. What happened, happened. I can’t change it, I can’t change what resulted or the stupid viewpoints of people on both sides who were only involved with one or the other of us. And I have to put it away and let it go. Being angry won’t change anything and it’ll definately stop me in my tracks and interfer with my life.

It also adds to the desperation of my other issue. There is no way to have resolution at this point in time. I mentioned this idea to one of my friends and she said, much to my irritation, “Then your letting him off the hook.”

I looked at her and responded in a rather droll fashion, “oh yeah, cause you know, We’re not suffering enough!”. I swear, what is up with people and this idea that you have to go for revenge?

Realizing that this anger also added to the desperation of my messed up set of priorities I think will be a good thing. I’m starting to put the puzzle of my motives together a little bit better. Now the key will be applying these revelations to getting my life back on track.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, December 14th, 2004 at 12:53 am and is filed under Life. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.