Weekend Thoughts
Had a good weekend. I Dj’d my last event until after the baby is born. I’m just getting too pregnant to perform my job well. BG came to visit and bring Christmas gifts for us. E just about drooled when she saw the box hers has come in. I know what it is and so I know she’s going to love it, but watching her anticipation is going to be fun.
A had a big day with his youth group. They went ice skating and BG and E also wanted to go so we ended up at the same place they went to. I didn’t step out onto the ice being four months pregnant, but I had fun watching everyone anyway. Then when A and his group left for other things , A and BG and I went window shopping and had fun playing with relaxation devices in one store.
Once A got home we opened the one family gift from BG and it turned out to be the movie Holes. If you haven’t seen this movie. It’s great. Very nicely told, enjoyable characters and a fun plot. I wasn’t expecting to like this movie. When it came out I had no interest in watching it. But I was happily surprised with a very good movie. A and I watched some commentary of the movie done by four of the boys in the movie. That was pretty funny too.
Sunday was spent with BG coming with us to church. That was nice. I’ve always wanted to go to church with someone I’m attracted to. Spend study time in class, sit in sacrament together. I’ve sat and been wistfully envious of my married friends for years. But I had made choices that prevented me from having that and I just had to deal with it. He held my hand during church and that was soooo nice. We had a nice time afterwards playing games with the kids before he left for home.
Things between us though are still stressed and tense. I wish things were moving in a better direction, but overall, I don’t think they are. He is very concerned with some surface things and is overlooking that they don’t mean jack as far as who I am as a person. The sad thing, is that he’s not unusual in what he’s concentrating on. Alot of the guys close to our age tend to be looking at the same surface things as well. And when I try to point out that those things even if they change don’t change my personality, how I parent, how I think about things, all they hear is “I’m not wanting to change”. It’s getting annoying. They don’t get that if they don’t like how I am now, they aren’t going to like me with a perfectly clean house, a nice looking body and cute clothes either. It’s very shallow.
Until things are finally decided about this baby and about BG, I’ll just use alot of patience and just try to stay true to myself. I no longer feel that desperation to have “anybody” in my life. And when I do start to feel that, I at least know what the cause is and I can counter it. It leaves me feeling alot more peace on most days. And I can think about what is really important for everyone.
December 23rd, 2004 at 4:02 pm
If it wasn’t the surface things that he’s currently yammering on about, it would be something else equally as unimportant. The sad truth is that whatever lame-ass reasons he gives for not wanting to be a grownup & pay attention to what really counts, they’re only excuses. I mean, ask yourself this - if you were a size 6, and a perfect housekeeper, and flounced around in the cutest outfits, don’t you think he’d probably have some *other* reasons why you two wouldn’t be a good match? And if he really IS all about a woman’s size & clothes & being a neat-freak, doesn’t that tell you that he’s far too shallow to deserve you?
Men, bleah. Most of them deserve a good kicking.
December 23rd, 2004 at 7:50 pm
Yes they do. And I’m not really waiting for him, this baby has me in limbo and I start school in the fall. Those are the only two facts I have to work with right now. If he gets his act together and gets involved, fine. If he doesn’t, fine. I’m starting to get past caring.