A week of frustration
This has been a week of total frustration. I have no idea what is going on with ANY aspect of my life. Supposedly, thanks to the uproar of earlier, the corporate boss over our little franchise has come out to talk to my boss. However, he hasn’t asked to talk to me. I don’t even know if he’s still in town anymore. I’ve just been working the business, booking events, calming wedding planning anxieties. I have finally got two summer weekends fully booked. Which is good. But we don’t have the money to afford the May bridal show, which we really need to do. Oh, well…We are still getting alot of feedback from the January bridal show. But no one is telling me to quit working, and no one is taking the work phone line from me. So I just have to take it that I’m at least doing my part okay.
As for the other part of my personal life. I think I’ll happily break BG’s legs. After barely talking to me for several weeks except, “I’m busy” and when we did talk all I heard about was the dates he was going on. (I did ask about them, I don’t want surprises) And then telling me that he’s seeing one girl “sort of regular”. Okay…she calls, he jumps…that’s more then just sort of regular. Anyhow…he calls me up the other night and wants to talk about possible places to live in the Vancouver area if he gets this one job and moves down here. Would I mind living in this community or that community. Talking as if we hooking up is on the books. And I’m thinking…what?!!
I mean, I realize that I’ve told him to make sure of his choices, because I don’t want to be told 11 years down the road that the girlfriends are more important again. So I’ve takin the position that I’m going to do what I have to for Me and the three kids, and anyone who wants to be part of this insanity has to prove they want to be here. But damnit, I wish he would be a little bit more consistant. Or at least be more open about what he’s thinking or feeling. I feel completely out of the loop and feel like I’m standing on a cliff. One week, I feel important, the next week I feel like I’m a bother. At least he’s said he will be coming to the birth.
But, I also know, that for all the confusion I’m feeling, he has to also be just as confused. At least I have an idea of what I’m doing. I’m having a baby and raising my three kids. I think he’s feeling completely out of his mind. Not sure what he wants to do. He has recently applied for a job that he wants VERY badly. That job would give him many choices and it may be that getting that job will help decide what he’s going to do. It’s a great opportunity for him, and he has my prayers.
I’m still going to break his legs though. And I’m also going to add DM to the list of leg breaking. That turkey is back, talking regularly to me and while he seems to be in earnest, I’m more of a “whatever” kind of attitude. We were good friends, and I’m willing to be friends again, after all he knew how to make me laugh, and I need laughter badly. in fact, I’m using him for that purpose since I’m trying to fight bouts of meloncoly. But I don’t trust him an inch, and I’m not in love with him anymore. In fact, I’m not really in love with anyone anymore. And I won’t until I feel it’s safe again to be so. Do I wish there was a knight in shining armor? Hell yes…Do I expect to ever find one? Hell no.
