Decisions
I’m glad I have a doc appt tomorrow. My blood pressure jumped big time this week. I really have to watch my salt intake. I looked like a blow fish yesturday. I was so swollen, even my hands were swollen. I checked my blood pressure and it’s was high, not at the danger level to call the nurse, but when this swelling started my blood pressure was at 126/66 and yesturday it was 140/80. NOT GOOD!! So, I will be spending a lot of time laying down and drinking water today. Inbetween all the things I have to do today.
We have A going on his fieldtrip to Ashland tomorrow, he’ll be gone for three days. I’m excited for him. He should have a lot of fun. And E will be performing in our church roadshow this weekend. So it promises to be busy. (roadshow= 10 minute musical)
I’ve also made a decision about BG. We’ve been talking a lot lately, especially after he got bit by the baby bug by working with those newborns, but he told me about some things that finally told me where his priorities and needs lie. The last few months have been a serious struggle and I’ve needed his help so many times, and I really need his help preparing for this baby, and I recently found out that when he’s in a position to help, he doesn’t give this situation a thought and helps elsewhere. I realize that he lives 5 hours away, and so the situation here is a bit unreal to him, but still. And so, because of that, I told him last night that I don’t think we’d suit as partners. I know he’ll do right by the baby, we have that set up, but he’s doing it because he has to. And that’s not the attitude I want in someone to share my life with.
He was supposed to come down and help buy babystuff. He’s made some comments about how he wanted to help pick stuff out, so I’ve waited for him to come down before finalizing anything. He said he couldn’t come down for a visit because there are service projects the church is doing up there that he wants to do instead. I didn’t bother reminding him of why he was coming down in the first place at the time. I just said, “well, if you feel that’s where you need to be, Okay.” I have a funny feeling he forgot why he was coming down, and since we had set this up just a few days before, him forgetting isn’t exuseable in my book.
At least I don’t need to agonize about him anymore. I’ve made up my mind, freed him from feeling any need to try and court me and will just encourage our friendship that we do have while supporting his relationship with the baby.
