weekend catch up
Here’s the weekend update:
Friday: I spent most of this day being an emotional wreck. I recieved some news this week that is just not sitting well with me. I have to adjust to it, but that doesn’t mean I like it none.
Saturday: I had a haircut in the morning. I have straight hair; straight lifeless hair, so in order to have the hair cut I like I have to perm it every so often to give it body, fortunately today was just the two month cut. Next time I get to burn my hair with a perm.
Then it was off to my job. I had a ceremony and reception to do and it was nice. The ceremony was just lovely, all the songs were Enya, no surprise, and I would like to compliment the Minister they had perform the ceremony. He did the best job of descibing the roles of the husband and wife that I have ever heard outside of my church. He could also have passed for a brother of Donnie and Mark Walberg. Besides the fact that he was a young minister, early thirties, he wore an earing, not something you see alot of. The reception moved smoothly and it being such a small wedding crowd, I wasn’t surprised when most people left after the protocols were done. What does surprise me every single time, is that when the guests have gone and there is only family left, that even though I have an hour or more of time to play that they paid for, they send me home. For some goofy reason people seem to feel that they don’t need a Dj to play music, even if it’s just backgroud music while people visit if it’s just the family that’s left. They paid for me, their not getting a refund since it’s a “for up to such and such time” kind of deal. GET YOUR MONEY’S WORTH!
Sunday wasn’t a great day. In my ward at church, every memorial weekend is known as Tumalo weekend. (I’m sure I didn’t spell that right.) About 35 years ago three families started having a reunion on that weekend near Bend, Oregon. Over the years most of the congregation from our ward has started going down there. It completely strips our little ward, and while it was nice not to have to fill in and substitute like most years, I wasn’t able to enjoy my lessons at all. I was still feeling out of sorts.
Hubby met up with some people at noon who are part of the planning committee of the Anime convention he helped out with this year. And as usual Hubby spent all day in their company. When ten at night rolled around I called to see if he needed a ride since I knew he had no bus fair. And he said no, they would bring him home. By one in the morning when I finally was able to sleep he still hadn’t shown up, nor called. I woke up at five, not by my choice, and he still wasn’t there. To say the least I was pissed. In the eleven years of our marriage, and with me harping on it every single darn time this happens, you’d think he’d learn to CALL me when he’s unable to come home. But no, he thinks he’s being magnanimous by not “waking me up” to leave me a message. It’s always been this way. When he’s out with friends he never thinks to let me know what’s going on. EVER.
Of course since I’m kept out of his friendships it does create a jealousy problem. I have no real friends. No one thinks like I do and most people just keep me around because I’m so darn dependable and help everyone. We always tell single girls that if their boyfriend won’t let you be with him when he’s with his friends that there is a problem. So what happens when it’s your husband? Of course until recently his friends were not people I had any respect for since they were the most miserable people I ever met. And they bad mouthed me all the time. At least with this new crew I don’t get treated like garbage when hubby does decide to drag himself home. Of course it’s not like he spends every day with them. To give him credit, except for spending all his time at home living within two feet of his AIM account, he usually only spends one day a week with them. Usually on Sunday’s since that’s the one day we’re at church with all of our responsiblities there. Of course he still doesn’t come home until sometime between ten and midnight.
Monday: Hubby finally got home at about eight in the morning after I chewed him out at six in the morning on his cell phone. He and I took a quick shower together and then spent the next four hours in bed just snuggling while he and I tried to get some sleep. That was nice. Of course it would have been nicer if I hadn’t been brooding over this unpleasant news I recieved.(And no I’m not going to talk about it yet. Don’t bother asking.)
We would have had some nice bed play if it wasn’t for some nitwit from his work who couldn’t make his computer work. Completely ruined it. So we got up and after making lunch decided to play some Heroes 4. Unfortunatly my dad decided to stay home too, so we didn’t feel comfortable enough to flirt with each other like we normally do when playing Heroes 4. A turn based game is great when your feeling horny and you want the foreplay to last for awhile. To say the least between the phone call and my dad, irritated and cranky is putting my state of mind mildly.
Dinner time came and we took a break, of course Hubby got on AIM to see if any friends were back from their trips. One of them was on and he spent the dinner time talking to them. We finally got the kids into bed and went to continue our game. Hubby spent his time either playing the game or talking on AIM. I just sat there getting madder and madder. It may be unreasonable but I absolutely hate feeling like I have to compete for his attention with his friends. And unfortunatly, because it took him soooooo long to finally realize that he liked being with his family that’s what I had to do for years. So it doesn’t take much to trip that little trigger. It also doesn’t help that he considers being under the same roof with someone “being with them”.
So I may have over-reacted, but I left the game, we had almost won anyway, and went and sat out in my backyard in the rain. My dad had finally left to go do some karaoke so we could finally spend some time alone and he was still on chat with his friend. He has two girls that are his best best friends. And I’m informed that even their significant others often feel left out on accasion. He tells them everything, I get whatever he may remember to tell me. I get alot of “didn’t I tell you?”
We snapped at each other a bit and then went for a walk. We can always talk when we’re walking. It’s strange to me that we can talk without any hangups when we walk around late at night. So we’ve decided that since the weather is getting nicer, we’ll start taking more of them. Hubby and I have alot of things to work out. We are both very different on what we consider important. And there are some basic moral differences that are complete opposites. We have alot of work to do, and in the end I hope it’s worth it.
I hate the pain that comes with these differences. When I’m out of sorts with him I can’t eat, sleeping is unpleasant and I’m moody all day. There are days when I know that if I was financially sound I would probably just shuck the whole thing and become a hermit. Of course that would screw all of us over and maybe God knows that, so I have never been able to get my act together. Of course that’s all conjecture. It doens’t help that I’m turning thirty and my libido had jumped into over-drive. Hubby laughs at me and says I now know what a seventeen year old boy goes through.
We have to work through this, it won’t be easy but our kids will be devistated if we fail. I think Alex is picking up on our feelings, he made a comment the other day about how he hopes we never get divorced. I don’t think he would have brought it up if he hadn’t also been feeling out of sorts too.
